new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
