you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
