He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
