this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
