I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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