just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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