jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
