Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
