As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
