Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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