She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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