so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
