I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
