The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
