Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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