Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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