I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
