Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
