omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
