Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
