Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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