sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
