Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The best revenge is premature balding
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
