it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
