he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
