I love black thongs
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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