You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
