please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
