Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
