can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
