My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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