Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
