So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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