Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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