At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
