Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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