Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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