My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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