you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i've created a new STD.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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