Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
