I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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