So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
