ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
