that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
