If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
