This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
