How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We are two peas in an std pod
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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