in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
