I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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