All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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