I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
