So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
