Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
foreskin is a definite game changer
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
