Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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